DISABILITY

After I stopped working, someone told me I should apply for a disability pension. So the adventure with the government starts! I had to fill out a million forms and get evaluated by their doctor, which was nearly a 3-hour drive. It took forever to get the appointment. Then, this doctor left his practice and somehow lost my file, and the government never got the report. In the process, they decided I was not eligible for the disability pension. I was told by others who had also applied that the 1st request is always refused. I guess if you are not persistent, then you lose out. Well, they did not know who they were dealing with!

I compiled a list of my past doctor appointments, the supplements and different therapies I had tried, and all the medications I had taken. I believe it was about 4 pages long, and then I wrote a letter to inform them that I was not pleased with their decision. This is a letter I wrote to the Canada Revenue Agency so that I could get a disability pension.

Let me explain to you what my life has been like since I developed this disability. I get up in the morning after a very disturbed sleep due to the pain. I do not feel rested, but I know I must get up; otherwise, I would stay in bed all day. I place my feet on the floor; it feels like I have rocks pushing into my heels. I walk like I am 80 years old, stiff, bent over with pain. I get to the door and realize that my hands are swollen and stiff, and it is painful to turn the door knob. Sometimes, it takes several tries to finally get the door open. This is just the beginning of a day of challenges. I go to take a shower in hopes that the warm water will relieve some of the swelling and pain. Simple tasks like holding a bar of soap, washing my hair, and reaching down to wash my feet are painful enough to make me not want to shower. Then, I know I have more challenges ahead of me. The things that are so easy when we are healthy and without disabilities are dreaded when we have Fibromyalgia. Simple things, like drying my hair, applying make-up, brushing and flossing my teeth, and so many more. All this, and I haven’t even gone downstairs for breakfast yet. Each step is like knives jabbing into my feet, legs, and arms. I finally sit down for breakfast, although I don’t have an appetite, knowing the nausea will set in within a half hour. Then, I will be nauseated for the rest of the day. After eating, I am so tired that I must return to bed.

I used to enjoy long walks, biking, skiing, going to the movies, going out for dinner, travelling, doing crafts, gardening, reading, and so many other things. Still, my disability has taken the joy out of doing any of these things. The pain and fatigue outweigh the benefits.
I can no longer do my housework. I also need assistance to do my groceries because it has become a real challenge. Doing my banking and even writing this letter is painful and may set me back. It has taken me over one month to do so, and even with that, I cannot express how this disability has taken over my life.

It saddens me to think I had to leave a job I loved. I tried to continue working as long as possible, but the pain and fatigue made it impossible.

It was very frustrating, but with persistence, in 2010, they authorized that I should receive a disability pension. It certainly didn’t make the pain disappear, but at least I could contribute to the family income somehow. I don’t know how anyone living alone could live on the amount the government gives them, but I was fortunate to not be in that situation.

We owe it to ourselves. We owe it to our loved ones to be present, to be the best versions of ourselves, to boldly face the challenges and lovingly seek the joy in life before it passes us by.